Written for Amusing Yourself to Death (now defunct) issue number sixteen, August 1999.
BIO — Marc Parker would like all concerned parties to know that he reviewed his batch of zines while wearing nothing but boxer shorts, laying in bed. Battling a cold, he often became chilled and covered himself with the zines, having previously soiled his blanket, having eaten too much bran. Therefore, for hygienic purposes, they will not be returned to the AYTD library, but disposed of, as they would have been anyway. Email: azmacourt@yahoo.com
PICKS:
Inbred Picnic
Nebulosi
Nor I
Shouldn’t You Be Working?
Anti-Racist Action Primer
January 10, 1998. “Ant-Racist Action is a network of organizations that fight against Nazi, Fascist, KKK, Racist Skinhead, White Supremacist, ‘Christian Identity,’ Patriot Militia, Religious Right, Anti-Immigrant, and Institutional Racism.” This is rudimentary, even for a primer. Numerous flyers and articles are reprinted, some with type much smaller than the zine you are reading right now. I found the coverage of “Copwatch” programs most interesting here. Otherwise, it seems like little attention is given to the rationale of the various groups that this group is fighting. By neglecting the psychology of its enemies, the ARA is portraying those who tout racism, sexism, homophobia, and anti-Semitism as stereotypically as, say, Klansmen depict Jews. There is also considerable focus on anarchism, but overall, this zine seemed quite reactionary. [MP] [$? / 5.5x8.5 / 60 pgs]
Anthony Rayson
27009 S. Egyptian Trail
Monee, IL 60449
Bastard
#5. Lots of guys tell wacky stories about sex, none of which are compelling enough to be unbelievable. The versatility of the “F” word is lauded. A comic called “The Wanker Twins” that features two mohawked, well armed kids, who rob Santa Claus and force him to sodomize Rudolph, actually bears a copyright. That’s right, Rob. We’re all lining up to steal your smudgy comic, from which you were too lazy to erase your ruler marks. Secure that intellectual property! One person who operates a distro, to which Bastard was recently submitted, wrote in and called Rob on his blatant misogyny. Rob dubs him “Wanker of the Year” (wanking being an obvious theme) and completely dodges every valid point that was raised in his response. In the letters section, four out of the five correspondences are from chicks, so that must prove that Bastard is popular with the ladies. One of them was even busty enough to have a photograph of her drinking a beer printed, too. [MP] [$? / 8.5x11 / 32 pgs]
Rob Bastard
PO Box 6822
New Albany, IN 47151
rvest@ius.edu
Bizarre Rum
#1. Spring 1999. It amuses me greatly, imagining a 23-year-old jerk from Oklahoma, sending the first issue of his zine off to Southern California for review, only to have it returned to Oklahoma and analyzed by another 23-year-old jerk. The fellow behind this maudlin, overpriced debut admits in its introduction that he was inspired to write after falling for a female friend, only to have her flee, upon learning of his feelings. He says that he
also plans to “address various issues that plague” his “everyday life, such as religion, sex, drugs, and dwarf tossing.” However, in this issue, we never stray too far from the subject of Beth. There are some reviews; there are some recipes for alcoholic beverages. Yet, as mentioned, an enormous statue of Beth stands in center stage, and I have a sinking suspicion than Ian will begin his next issue with an update. [MP] [$3 / 7x8.5 / 28 pgs]
Iam Crowe
PO Box 691346
Tulsa, OK 74169
ian_crowe@yahoo.com
Chicks Dig Scars
#6. I trade for this punkish perzine regularly. Generally, I skip the descriptions of rock shows, since Dan often sees bands that I’ve never heard of and describes them by citing other bands that I’ve never heard of. Some of this deals with unrequited crushes, some recalls grade school memories, and much is composed of flat-out journal entries. The story about forming a polka band for a talent show was cute, and I was struck by this quote: “I got up this morning at 6am, figuring that if I was already awake, I might as well
put my time to good use. So I read the paper, ate fried eggs, drank tea, checked my e-mail, and read a zine. Yeah, real constructive use of your time. I should’ve slept in.” Dan’s writing is tight. Even when his subject matter is ordinary (an example being the article on phobias), he keeps the reader moving. Recommended. [MP] [$2 / 5.5x8.5 / 36 pgs]
Dan S.
PO Box 30336
Spokane, WA 99223
chicksdigscars@hotmail.com
Confessions of a Male Lesbian
#1. May 1999. I know. The title is horrible. One might view it as less than offensive, considering that Boyd’s working definition of this phrase is an effeminate, heterosexual man. But that doesn’t make it any less uninteresting. The collages of Playboy and Penthouse models aren’t what I consider tantalizing, and the printed matter is even less so. Lisa Carver is fixated upon briefly, and the layout and tone of Rollerderby are
awkwardly mimicked throughout. There is poetry, and two dry, well-documented essays (one on Plato, the other on voyeurism in 18th century literature) seem hilariously out of place. A funny, reprinted article describes some common pick-up techniques of men: nods, stares, and avoidance. Boyd mentions lying stretched out on his bed, feeling particularly “faggy.” I don’t know what else to tell you. [MP] [$1 / 8.5x11 / 32 pgs]
Boyd
PO Box 352135
Toledo, OH 43635
cul-de-sac
#4. January 1999. The two girls who make this zine write like guys want girls to write. In identical voices, they mention one another frequently, discuss their boobs and their periods, and generously apply profanity to their exceedingly brief essays. They often address their male readers as well, wiggling their literary asses and chewing on their iridescent pens, all of which leads me to believe that this zine is the creation of someone
with a Y chromosome. However, I’ve grown weary of my suspicions lately. So for the remainder of this review, I’ll accept this zine and its wobbly premise. . . This is “The Young Adult Issue” of cul-de-sac. Having been friends since pre-school, apparently, and lived in the same town all of their lives, Julie and Liz have a lot to share from their formidable years. The workload of this is split fairly evenly, as both girls take turns reminiscing over physical education classes, Fruit Roll-ups, young adult fiction, slumber
parties, sadistic bus drivers, elementary school outcasts, crushes, and much more.
Since they’re both about my age, I probably related more to this zine than others might, but it’s worth a buck, nonetheless. Some of the essays did seem a bit underdeveloped, but that’s how girls write. Right? [MP] [$1 / 5.5x8.5 / 48 pgs]
Julie Harpen & Liz Saidel
PO Box 6074
Buffalo grove, IL 60089
cul-de-sac@prontomail.com
Daily Cow
#14. I will never understand Mr. Wyder’s bovine fetish. Back in the days when I reviewed for my own zine, I would invariably hand this one off to someone else, because I find it enormously creepy. This is the “10 Year Anniversary Issue.” Can you believe it? I used to think that zines founded upon an arbitrary focus on a ridiculously obscure subject were the best kind. The Daily Cow has obviously been exemplifying this approach for a decade,
but as I said, I don’t get it. This thick installment is split evenly between cow-related features, photos, and celebrity quotes, clipped from mainstream magazines, and nonsensical, original pieces. Much of the latter consists of puns, some of which are almost clever, and all of it is quite bizarre. I don’t know what else to write. If you enjoy pictures of cows wearing sunglasses, cows surfing, cows humping farm machinery, then order this. [MP]
[$2 or a trade / 8.5x11 / 30 pgs]
David R. Wyder
87 Richard St. #7
Passaic, NJ 07055
DailyCow@aol.com
Depth Charge Digest
#1. Not much happens in the debut issue of this comic. A guy with slicked-back hair roughs up some aliens, battles a wrinkly guy that’s wearing a fedora. Then the aliens flee and the guy with slicked-back hair meets Ghandi. I’m lost. [MP] [$1.50 / 4x5.5 / 20 pgs]
Chris Kalnick
PO Box 588
Newton Square, PA 19073
depthcharge@erols.com
dog-pile
#3. It seems like the editor of this zine committed to this split without having written much, faced a short deadline, or both. This is paint-by-numbers zining at its finest. Handwritten fake horoscopes follow contact information for Food Not Bombs. Her best friend contributes poetry. And one page, which was intended for an email interview with an unknown
band, is now devoted to grumbling, because they never wrote back. [MP] [$2 / 5.5x8.5 / 48 pgs]
Split with Loose Screws
EIDOS
Everyone Is Doing Outrageous Sex
#40. Two types of articles appear in the magazine: those that are remotely sexual and those that are sexually absurd. The outrageous sex in this consists of one story, about an exhibitionist nun, and one personal narrative, involving a woman duping her puppy into going down on her. The other type amounts to articles covering the “Clinton-Lewinsky-Starr
affair,” women’s suffrage, and a worldwide conference on pornography and free speech.
As usual, EIDOS also contains readers’ letters, laughable poetry, and professional, erotic photography. Numerous reviews of adult books, videos, and publications appear, from various critics, as does a classified section. This was a good read; I’m glad I didn’t have to pay. I’d forgotten that Factsheet 5 and Monica Lewinsky ever existed. [MP] [$7 ppd. US / 8.5x11 / 40 pgs]
EIDOS
PO Box 96
Boston, MA 02137
www.eidos.org
EMERGENCY
#1. In her introduction, Ammi cites Cometbus as a major influence, so it’s no surprise that its style is imitated. Inconsequential, random events from her friends’ lives are depicted, without saying much. This is one of the better zines that I received to review this time, though. I still liked many passages from the part that reminded me the most of Cometbus, and the fiction conveyed a strong image, after I’d contemplated it some. The
fact that so little from zines really merits contemplation is reason enough to order this. Fair poetry and a flirty non-fiction piece round out the issue. [MP] [$1 or trade / 7x8.5 / 36 pgs]
Ammi Emergency
142 W 4th Street, Apt 18
New York, NY 10012
ammi@conflictnet.org
For the Clerisy/Good Words for Readers
The title is mighty pompous, but this is a fine zine. It’s easily digestible and filled with nutrition. One main article covers the behavioral differences between men and women, linguistically. (Imagine a man, stretching out during a business meeting, fingers laced behind his head. Now imagine a woman doing it.) Another examines the films of Stanley Kubrick, with considerable focus on The Shining and Full Metal Jacket. The zine reviews are so thorough that I fear for my job, here at AYTD. The responses from readers are so
absorbing that I’m trying to think of something clever to send in myself. Nice. [MP] [free? / 11x8.5 / 8 pgs]
Brant Kresovich
PO Box 404
Getzville, NY 14068
kresovich@hotmail.com
Funklicious
Stories by Mike Francis
I felt embarrassed for the author of this zine, reading it. The cover is cardstock, neon pink, and there are photo booth shots of some guy, presumably Mr. Francis, and his unsightly girlfriend. The stories inside revolve around San Francisco and there are photographs (circa 1996) on every other page, of homeless people, grocers, Muni busses, etc. The type is gigantic and wasteful, and the references to streets in SF seem unnecessary in such a
flighty, manufactured collection. Some stories involve homeless persons, who are as fleshed-out as Beetle Bailey, conducting drug-addled auto sales; others mock bike messengers and coffee shops. Once I finished reading this zine, I threw it in the trash. I’d feel guilty if I contributed to anyone else seeing it. [MP] [$? / 5.5x8.5 / 36 pgs]
Beer Can Press
PO Box 1076
Georgetown, KY 40324
The Geis Letter
#63. May 1999. This isn’t the best issue of this zine that I’ve read. There are thoughts on Milosevic, book reviews, magazine reviews, and movie reviews. Finally, there are a few letters, regarding a previously published piece on female science fiction writers. It seemed a little sexist to me, but mostly I was just lost. As always, I recommend this zine, but not this issue alone. [MP] [$1 / 8.5x11 / 8 pgs]
Richard E. Geis
PO Box 11408
Portland, OR 97211
100313.3440@compuserve.com
Inbred Picnic
#4. The artwork is crude, but this comic zine is filled with first class writing. The production is clean, too, so the awkward bodily positions and poor shading isn’t that conspicuous. Inbred Picnic shows a lot of breadth. A couple of the strips are silly, filled with bathroom humor, and deliver big laughs. My favorite was “An Intimate Look into the World of ‘Male Bonding,’” which is about nothing more than a big turd in a public toilet. Other strips are longer and extremely emotional, one being about the author’s late
mother, for whom this issue is dedicated. I liked the balance quite a lot. There are also music and zine reviews, which Thomas presents in comic form. Vastly charming and jealously recommended. [MP] [$1 or trade / 5.5x8.5 / 40 pgs]
JB Thomas
PO Box 163463
Sacramento, CA 95816
JND Pseudo Zine
#7. This zine is predominately reviews-B-movies, zines, music, novels, short stories, the X-Files movie, and much more. These sections are mimeographed, and entire pages are too light to discern. The only pages that are photocopied are the readers’ letters. Unfortunately, the letters themselves were copied and shrunk to fit four to a page, which renders most of them indecipherable. JND Pseudo Zine has its moments of eloquence, but so
little attention is given to the presentation that the reader quickly becomes exasperated. Additionally, James sent a mimeographed packet, detailing individual zines that he’s selling (many for less than fifty cents). Since it is from late 1998, I won’t list any titles. But he does mention that they’re not selling too quickly. [MP] [$? / 8.5x11 / 48 pgs]
James
PO Box 613
Redwood Valley, CA 95470
Local Comics
#19. March 1999. I’m starting to enjoy the work of Mike Goetz, as I now believe that he is truly putting us all on. What I think is that there is a real guy, a clever guy, named Michael Goetz, living in Illinois. And this clever guy decided one day years ago that it would be entertaining to mass-produce tiny comic zines, which would contain the corniest strips that he could think of. Knowing how supportive many in the zine community strive
to be, I bet Michael has many good laughs over complete strangers, paining themselves to say nice things about his work. The reviews where he’s slammed are even more entertaining, I bet, as certain critics reveal how absurdly agitated they can get by something so innocuous and pitiful. I still would recommend ordering only one Goetz title, just to get a taste of his genius. Of course, I would recommend calling him on the phone, too. [MP] [2 stamps /
4x5.5 / 16 pgs]
Michael Goetz
2124 Arizona Ave.
Rockford, IL 61108
Loose Screws
#17. Well, damn, it doesn’t look like this half of the split has any more going for it than the other. Loose Screws consists of collages, reviews of punk tapes, rants against Christianity, and photos of the editor’s young girlfriend. She’s hot, yeah, but I don’t care for smokers. Save your two bucks. [MP] [$2 / 5.5x8.5 / 48 pgs]
Rob Spinner
1124 Clear Springs Rd.
Virginia Beach, VA 23464
Split with dog-pile
Nebulosi
#3. The writing in this publication is so sharp, so lacking in typographical errors, I can’t comfortably refer to it as a zine. I delighted in every page of this one, even the feature stories on various types of footwear, which I didn’t even plan to read, initially. My favorite piece was an article by Rachel Fudge, covering the portrayal of twins in young adult fiction. While I am a sucker for the word “doppelganger” anyway, the author’s
attentiveness to her subject matter is what hooked me here. Every conceivable manifestation of the identical twin theme is delineated, apparently, and I can’t wait to apply them the next time I watch Sister, Sister Following this, there is a charming personal narrative by Karine Schaefer about teaching gifted teenagers to write charming personal narratives, during a summer workshop. That piece is followed by a quick rant on shopping centers and chain stores infiltrating urban neighborhoods. Then come the shoe stories. Finally,
there is a hilarious piece by Hugh Hynes, which picks apart a ludicrous editorial
from “Wired Magazine” and has already found a second home in Jen Angel’s 1998 Zine Yearbook. Overall, I highly recommend Nebulosi for intellectuals and pseudo-intellectuals alike. [MP] [$3 / 7x8.5 / 52 pgs]
Nebulosi
PO Box 250556
New York, NY 10025
nebulosi@pobox.com
home.earthlink.net/~nebulosi
Nor I
#3. This zine really got to me. I related to it so much that I suspected it was created especially for me. I laughed at the funny parts, but I felt bad, like I was laughing at a drunken alcoholic. This is padded with reprints, but I appreciated them all. “Stay up all night sometime. When the morning comes, and you are delirious and sleepy, write me a letter. Capture the moment.” I did, but I couldn’t bring myself to mail it. You should buy this. [MP] [$1 and 2 stamps / 5.5x8.5 / 40 pgs]
Ron A.
PO Box 66143
Los Angeles, CA 90066
meow_eek@hotmail.com
Panik Magazine
#8. Do you like newsprint? Do you like magazines that are named one word that’s spelled wrong? Do you like reading features that have appeared in other magazines already, by famous, ziney guys like Jim Goad and Randall Tin-ear? Do you love Satanic imagery? Do you enjoy reading interviews titled “The Future of Punk Today Motherfuckers?!” Do you love drawings of half-naked women? Do you also love taboo book reviews? Do you? [MP] [free / 11x15 / 32 pgs]
996 Rendondo Ave. Suite 626
Long Beach, CA 90804
Shouldn’t You Be Working?
#2. Thirty single-paged sketches for a quarter is a great deal. The fellow who creates this comic does so while on the clock. His style is pronounced and unique, and it must have taken a lot of loafing to make this. I’m at a loss for words as I attempt to describe the subject matter. None of the pages forms any story. On one a white man in a shirt and tie, while waving his hand, tells a naked co-worker, “Wow! Your butt really does stink.” On another
two naked men are shackled together with science-fiction styled tubing, which then runs into the ears of another white man in a tie, forming something like a headset, through which he controls the nude men. Well, I think that I just chose the hardest picture to describe. But you get the idea. This is the product of a largely creative mind, totally starved of stimuli. [MP] [25¢ / 4x5.5 / 32 pgs]
Johnny R.
3624 Conn. Ave. NW #5
Washington, D.C. 20008
superjohnny69@hotmail.com
Ten Things Jesus Wants You to Know
#20. After hearing about Dan Halligan for years, even seeing a previous issue of his zine, I never would have guessed that he looked like Flea. This mildly professional, newsprint publication covers the punk scene in the Northwestern U.S. almost exclusively. If you’re interested in such, I expect you already know of this resource. If you have no interest in the punk scene here or anywhere else, take a hint from the title and avoid this preachy
publication. This issue begins with Dan answering his mail. The first letter, from a Maximum Rock’n’Roll shit worker, criticizes previous comments from Dan, regarding Jen Angel being fired from MRR. Of course, Dan responds flippantly and defends his previous comments. Believe it or not, I didn’t stop reading there! Other parts of this zine that stood out were a frivolous article by Ben Weasel and a half-dozen strips of a comic called “Good Night,”
which consistently rips off the same joke from “The Simpsons.” There are more interviews than any mortal could consume and scads of reviews. Also, there is a relatively new feature in this issue of Ten Things: naked people. Dan defends this, claiming that nudity doesn’t equal sexism and pointing out the fact that he also runs shots of men. What he doesn’t address is that The Probe (another popular punk zine) was doing the same thing years ago,
more erotically. This isn’t that bad of a zine, but I wouldn’t expect it to break out of its niche anytime soon. [MP] [$? / 8.5x11 / ~96 pgs]
Dan Halligan
8315 Lake City Way NE
PMB #192
Seattle, WA 98115
www.tenthings.com
Ten Thousand Things
#32. So this is the smash personal zine Ten Thousand Things. Now I can see why this guy is on his thirty-second issue, how he just might manage to complete ten thousand pages of mini zine. Half of this installment consists of collages. The other half is text, and half of the text is one reader’s letter. Publisher K. D. responds to it for the remainder of the issue,
on subjects ranging from David Bowie and the Beach Boys to mass murderers and neurotics who take coincidences too seriously. There’s a lot about coincidences, really. I thought the haphazard and coincidental nature of the collages fit this amiable chat between two friends well. Yet, I can’t recommend this zine, based on this issue. Reading it was like overhearing a fairly interesting conversation at a social gathering, between intelligent people, then being compelled to move away quickly, before either could notice you. [MP] [$1 / 4x5.5 / 12 pgs]
KD Schmitz
PO Box 1806
Poughkeepsie, NY 12601
TTThings@aol.com
members.aol.com/ttthings
Trailer Park Stories
In this trailer park story, a teenaged boy in a Metallica T-shirt fucks a zitty girl on his bare mattress. His mom comes home and kicks her out. The tornado that’s coming (always) only knocks out their electricity. I wonder if Amber is writing from experience or after having seen too many episodes of Beavis and Butt-head. [MP] [free? / 5.5x4 / 8 pgs]
Amber Pedigo
No address!
26 days
I like this Ron A. (See Nor I zine.) As the front cover explains, this is “the story of two young knives.” A woman named Melanie, who was romantically linked to Ron for at least these twenty-six days, made half of the pages. This type of split works better than the kind that you have to flip, but it also helps that Ron and Melanie collaborated in person. My favorite thing from Ron was the story about his dad. My favorite from Melanie was the
following quote. “good memories, not so good memories, bad memories, pain, a couple of photos, some nice purple bruises that will fade away after a couple of days and the irrational feeling that I had what I’ve always been longing for . . . for 26 days.” [MP] [? / 4x5.5 / 24 pgs]
Same contact info as Nor I
Where to send zines for review:
Marc Parker
2000 NE 42 Ave #221
Portland, OR 97213
United States
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