I'LL DO ANYTHING LEGAL FOR $7.05 AN HOUR
 
FULL-TIME, PART-TIME, or ONE TIME ONLY
 
* bodyguard * data entry * dog walking * errands *
* heavy lifting * housework * kid sitting * moving *
* office work * tutoring * typing * yucky stuff *
* and almost anything else *

   I've had dozens of corporate wage slave jobs, so no work is "beneath me". I'm 28 years old, have no criminal record, and my only addiction is cable television.
   If you need dependable, hard-working help, why be shy? Please call Marc, at 503-232-8105. We'll both be glad you did.

5 0 3 - 2 3 2 - 8 1 0 5

#1. More and more, I see the word "earnest" used disparagingly -- so often that I wonder if carries a negative connotation with people now, automatically. Have you noticed? It's a shame, because I would decribe this zine as earnest, but don't want you to get the wrong impression. Issue number one of Big Pinch World lacks the juvenility that spoils a lot of first time efforts, regardless of their creator's age. That is, I attibute all the enjoyment I had reading this zine to Randy's being a capable writer, never mind he's a baby boomer. The prose is pared down and carefully plotted, which brings me back to the word "earnest". Consider this casual excerpt, from a story about the author's father:

"He held his head in his hands and wept. He took a long time to stop. The courtyard was full of birds and I watched them."

#2. I'll begin with a word of advice to any zine publisher who may be thinking about putting a picture of themself on a front cover: go with something else. Cut a picture of Anna Kournikova from the Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue, appropriate another person's artwork -- anything. Because as engrossing as your stories of facial acne and social awkwardness might be, we don't need to see it. Moving on . . . This typewritten zine is filled with movie reviews, each rated on a scale of one to five Don Knotts ("because Furley rules!"), if that gives you an idea. In his brief introduction, Brian says that he meant to include "non-movie" (i.e., personal) material in this second issue, but couldn't pull the trigger when it came time to write the articles. However, a good portion of his character is revealed as he digresses repeatedly throughout the criticism. And thank heaven. Tell me what you thought of Matrix Revolutions, I couldn't care less. Go on about the boners you popped in seventh grade, or about how you, as a rule, love a rag-tag group against all odds, you have my undivided attention. Reviewed by Marc. [$? / standard / 18 pp. / copied, side-stapled] Brian Marshall, 258 Main St. #3, Danbury, CT 06810. cashflagg13@hotmail.com

Diagrams and explanations of nine chords that can accompany almost any pop/rock/folk song. . .maybe one of these ended up in Jewel's VW van. . .who knows? Reviewed by The J Man. $1. Light Living Library, Po Box 190-CE, Philomath, OR 97370.

#15: I can tell Ball puts a lot of work into this zine and he even includes essays (some are better than others) written by friends and a huge amount of reviews and advertising. I really liked the recycled grocery bag cover. Judging by his self-advertising, this zine perhaps has a following that I am not aware of. It almost seems lofty to me to offer subscriptions to Australia for $18 (for 3 issues) or Canada for $9.50 but more power to him if he's really getting that much play. I was under whelmed by Ball's personal writing and found myself skipping huge chunks of it to get to his music reviews or to look at the advertising for obscure record labels and bands. This zine isn't for everyone, not for the overly literary but certainly for the music lovers and homegrown fans. Cultor-Sore 'zine, P.O. Box 68711, Va. Beach, VA 23471, SOREzine@aol.com [$5 for 3 issues, $10 for 6, digest, 48 pps., copied] reviewed by Kelly Froh

(#13): Outstanding. . .the best written zine I have ever read. . .over 100 literate pages of the publisher's reflections on the events of his life. . .my favorite part of this poor man's Kerouac is the travelogue section, recounting the publisher's trip to Europe. . .here's a charming excerpt on having a sore throat in Paris: "So I pick up some cough drops at a pharmacy. Pharmacies are easy to find in Paris because they all have neon green crosses out front-really great little signs that make being sick seem like a privilige because you have all these pretty green crosses to choose from. I settle for a pharmacy next to the metro station where the pharmacist is a girl in a tight white lab coat. And suddenly, I realize that I'm in a country where even the pharmacists break your heart (while dispensing first aid cream and band-aids), and where it's impossible to buy a newspaper or a pack of spearmint gum without falling hopelessly in love." Well done, anonymous publisher, well done. Reviewed by The J Man. $4 (worth the price of two hardback New York Times best-sellers). PO Box 53832, Lubbock, TX 79453.

#17. Long running zine that claims to be about Satan, but is more about scaring your mom by making reference to the dark lord. With this issue, Larry writes about losing his job, then his house, and proceeding to have a wicked good time (or "hella good time", if you prefer) as an unemployable layabout in the year that followed. We visit the sporting goods store where Erik and Lyle Menendez purchased the rounds of ammunition they would come to discharge into their parents. A conservative pamphlet from twenty years ago, reprinted here, familiarizes parents with youth subcultures.

"Black Metalists can resemble in appearance the Heavy Metalists or Stoners, but their choices of jewelry can often indicate the difference. They were skulls, pentagrams, upside-down crosses, and the Satanic 'S' (looks like a lightning bolt)."

"Are you in more of a hurry to get your first drink of the day than you used to be?
 
[handwritten]I'm unemployed. I'm not in a hurry to do anything."

I agree the current state of America has most of us (I pray over 50% come election day) in need of serious ranting. This zine is one long rant against the Bush Administration and their dirty dealings.
 
For anyone who avoids the bourgeoisie press and reads alternative papers and websites, the news David provides is nothing we don't already know. For those who need a little eye opening this zine will tell you what's really going on behind White House doors. The only problem I foresee with David's message is that the information is so riddled with childish name-calling that it distracts from the seriousness of his claims. I also think it would be helpful for David to cite his sources (to keep naysayers at bay).
 
Yes it's important to be politically aware (which is hard because we are so bombarded by lies) and protest but there's no hope for us if we can't debate intelligently. Some people might enjoy David's name-calling ("John Asscroft", "Son-of-a-Bush") and some might get fed up with it by page 2.
 
Jacob David, P.O. Box 3050, Eureka, CA 95502 [3 stamps or trade, 12 pps. w/ insert, copied] reviewed by Kelly Froh

(#4): Finally, a comic by someone who knows how to draw. . .and, bonus!, can also write funny/witty/clever/weird/intelligent storylines and captions. . .there's a diary of a bizarre underground circus featuring performers who drink piss, eat vomit, suck their own cocks and carry around 6-packs of Budweiser from their pierced pussy lips. . .not something to take the kiddies to on Saturday afternoon. . .also a gently rude ode paying tribute to the female of the homo sapien species, featuring lots of nice drawings of nude and semi-nude girls with captions like "And we love looking at you on the streets; on the screen; naked in peep show booths. We admire the voluptuous, pot-bellied, hyper-pale trendy white girl with snaggly teeth; stunning Thai prostitutes; the gaggles of giggling black teenaged school girls". . .well, personally, I can do without the black school girls, but otherwise I find no fault with Happy. Reviewed by The J Man. $3.50. Joshua Simmons. . .sold online at http://www.topshelfcomix.com/creators.php?artist=6

What a great zine to have fallen into my lap. Tija is a really good writer and a great observer of casual conversations verging on profundity. Women will love his hilarious friends Minerva and Suzy, and they'll appreciate Tija's own attempt at sincerity. Men will love the insight his girl friends offer and relate to his quest for the life of his dreams (and the girl-with-glasses of his dreams). This zine travels from story to story, mostly funny or inquisitive conversations with his friends, or memories from his teen years. All of the stories are witty, thoughtful, and sometimes tragic. Unlike some authors who think every detail of their life is worthy of re-telling, Tija knows which have real value. Tija is a likeable and interesting Montreal-based writer, and for those who might be interested to learn more, he offers a personal ad listing his wants and his interests:

"…Big fan of alley cats; carries catnip around in the summertime to spread the love."

"A Guide to Small Press & Alternative Publishing." This "guide" is from England and hence very foreign. At times I can barely understand the writing. The "Mag & Zine Listings" is a total blur. The editor doesn't even underline titles. Most of the publications are listed under "radical" and I have to wonder why there are so many publications about class struggle and yet so few class conscience workers. I know whenever I have a job all I see are people bowing down to the bosses, competing with their fellow workers, and convincing themselves they do important work which is worth their lives into. Are any workers actually reading any of these publications? Do they need a guide to help them find all the best resistance magazines? Well, maybe. What do I know? ¶ You know what always bugs me? When people use acronyms in their writing and never say what it stands for, just assuming the reader knows. Like for example when I read Steve Sneyd's "The Wit and Wisdom of MSS Submitters" it took me some time to realize MSS stood for manuscript. Maybe it's common knowledge, who knows, but I think a writer who wants to be understood would write clearly. ¶ Anyway, the zine also includes an article about "vanity publishing" (when people pay to have their work published), "micro book reviews," comics, poetry, and other stuff relating to small time "presses and projects." There's even an introduction to "footy" fanzines (that's definitely an English thing-Americans don't tend to care about professional soccer and I personally don't care about any professional sports and especially not the new downtown ballpark in my town.) £3 or $6 to Hobnail Press, PO Box 44122, London, SW6 7XL, U.K. (By the way, one of my local postal workers told me recently that you can't put "U.K." in the address, you have to name the country or you can write "Great Britain", but then again each postal worker seems to have a different rule.) Reviewed by thrill racer.

#15: Please try to get past the creepy cover art on this zine. Aiello's writing style is in the confessional vein, which may or may not interest you. I found half of the zine interesting, but I could have done without the "filler", which included bad art, bad poetry, and things we've all seen before such as "Misheard Lyrics". I liked the paragraphs she wrote about her pen pals from her youth and her pleas for the return of snail mail correspondence. She's a long-time zinester and it shows. Aiello tells some personally horrible stories that like any daily soap opera, somehow sucks you in. (Girl, I am so glad Travis is out of your life!)
 
I do not know what the story on the last two pages is supposed to be. It's truly awful and ends with "HITLER WAS A JEW" typed 5 times? I have no idea what it is doing in this comic, if she wrote it or put it in her zine as a favour to someone.
 
I think there are interesting pieces in this zine, but it suffers overall by the mish-mash of content.
 
Michelle Aiello, P.O. Box 180143, Chicago, IL 60618, pinup1950@yahoo.com, [$3, trades welcome, digest, 30 pps., copied] reviewed by Kelly Froh

Number 62: Though I think we are the same age, I consider John Porcellino the Grandaddy of self-published mini-comics. Many of us consider him the setter of standards and strive for the story-telling sincerity that John seems to always achieve. While some people follow the over-publicized lives of celebrities like Ben and J-Ho, I think most of us writers and cartoonists would prefer to see what John is up to.
 
Issue # 62 has John moving from his beloved Midwest back to Denver, with new wife Misun, and of course Maisie the cat, in tow. Beautifully drawn vignettes fill the issue along with a letter from John's friend Al Stark, who I think is becoming a legend in his own right. I can't think of anyone [alive today] who writes more interesting and entertaining letters. This issue also includes a "King-Cat Top 40" which includes such things as Leeks and Mad Magazine (John's note: "Still funny!")
 
Don't be ashamed to start your King-Cat collection at number 62.
 
John Porcellino, new address: P.O. Box 170535, San Francisco, CA 94117 www.King-Cat.net [$2, digest, 30 pps., copied] reviewed by Kelly Froh

(#1: Crisis) Personal zine about a guy in college with a lot of roommates. Themes include breakup with long time girlfriend, reminiscing about his high school band, and buddies. Some of the articles are creative rather than real accounts from personal life. For example, an essay begins, "The following story is an accurate representation of a scene from my life that has not yet happened." Also includes an interview with Elizabeth Elmore from The Reputation. Overall, I wouldn't say the content is that riveting, but it's a nice looking and thoughtful zine nonetheless. $3 postpaid. Contact Andrew at livingproof[at]atm4.net, PO Box 14211, Chicago, IL, 60614. Reviewed by thrill racer.

(#10, #16, Halloween Special): Crudely drawn super hero comic. . .#10 storyline: the missing corpse of phony psychic Sister Carbona. . .#16 storyline: super hero Magnet Man lies dying in a hospital bed with a bullet in his heart. . .Halloween storyline: Magnet Man's friends show off their costumes. These things take only a couple seconds to read, but my mind still wandered. . .while Magnet Man was fighting for his life, I caught myself wondering what was on Univision. . .maybe one of those cheap Mexican soap operas with scores of scantily-clad, implanted, bleach-blonde, junk-in-the-trunk Latinas? Or maybe I could catch the latest Robert Byrd anti-Bush rant on CSPAN? Oh, here comes Magnet Man's dad to the rescue. . .he thinks real hard, little squiggles shoot off his head, and presto! the bullet is gone! Now where did I leave that remote? Reviewed by The J Man. $?. Steve Keeter, PO Box 536368, Orlando, FL 32853-6368. sdonaldkeeter@msn.com

(#1) A feminist missive discussing the images of women in the media. Articles are about mainstream women's magazines, females who feel empowered by metal despite the sexist images, the decline of feminist bookstores (with good explanations on the book retail business), Miya-Jervis (co-founder of Bitch Magazine), the portrayal of women in comic books, and Eminem's misogyny. Also includes a few publication reviews. The writing is on an academic type level. Pretty good. One part of the zine I'd critique is the image layout. Like for example, the cover features a woman looking objectified for an ad, but the title and author's name for the actual ad conflicts with the title of this publication. Upon glancing at the cover you might think a man created the zine rather than a woman named Randie. Also, the last page shows a collage of objectified woman with some of the photos creepily cropped. Angelina Jolie's legs are sawed off and the top of a woman's head is gone. Maybe her brain has been removed which made her okay to pose scantily clad with a dessert between her legs. It's probably just how the editor managed to clip the images from magazines, but still that's my critique. Contact info[at]mediawhorezine.com Reviewed by thrill racer.

#2: According to the editor,"Media Whore is a unique zine featuring media coverage from a feminist perspective." I would switch the placement so that "unique" comes before "feminist" instead of "zine". Here's why...as a zine, the layout is pretty standard (which isn't bad, it's very well put together and readable and nicely done in general) as is the idea of a counter cultural analysis of the media, especially from a feminist perspective. But most feminist zines on this level tend to either come across as well intended young women rehashing stuff they have read somewhere else and/or overly reactionary, so if something COULD be interpreted as sexist or degrading it might as well be violent porn. This is arguably why "feminist" has become a word that many people who otherwise describe themselves as "feminist" avoid- it's so loaded. This zine avoids these pitfalls by critiquing media sources intelligently and without speculating about evil patriarchal conspiracies.
 
One example of this is the article about Suicide Girls. I have read many articles about Suicide Girls, a website featuring nude and semi-nude pictures of cute punk-ish girls, Some articles that range from toting a pictures of cute young thin women with dyed red hair as an amazing alternative to pictures of cute young thin women with bleached blonde hair that destroys beauty standards. Other writings tote it as oppressive for paying the women too little and not having enough minorities (which makes me wonder why these authors would want minorities to be paid too little). Media Whore instead brings up something more subtle and arguably more valid- that a group of "noncomformists" all look the same and sport comparable bios. And I appreciate this being pointed out much more than having the evil of conformity being screamed at me.
 
Another good article is the review of Spirited Away, a freshingly appreciation for a film with a strong female lead and strong male-female bonds that are not romantic. I'm impressed by this since most activists focus so much on what's wrong, they never say what they feel is right. Other pieces are about the taboo of talking about abortion on TV (which points that unwanted pregnancies tend to end in convenient miscarriages on TV shows a lot), portrait photography by Tamara Staples, and a lot of other thought provoking material.
 
I guess I liked this zine judging by the fact this was probably the longest review I ever wrote. Reviewed by Rich Mackin.
 
Digest 28 pages, $1 or trade. Randie Farmelant, 37 Home Street, Malden, MA 02148 submissions@mediawhore.com

A little zine with a lot of pages and a screen door cover on the subject of subbing in Portland, OR as an Education Assistant (in my district they're called Instructional Assistants.) Unfortunately, the zine is difficult to get through with the way the author, Dave, decided to present his subject matter-in journal format. You get a day by day retell of went down each day he worked. Not too exciting. I think it would have been more interesting if he had taken his experiences and used them as examples to a greater thesis, thereby actually making a point. He does do this in the "Epilogue" which is the most interesting part of the zine, but only a small fraction of its content. See, I know there is plenty to say from the subject matter because I substitute teach and I think it's a crappy job. There is plenty I could say about the whole system… But anyway, I feel sorry for people who do Dave's job because they have to do the dirty work. I mean real nasty stuff like help "special" kids in the bathroom. Ewww…I could never do that. In conclusion, I think this zine will only be of interest to fellow E.A.s or those considering taking such a position. Contact: David Roche, 1036 N. Shaver Street., Portland, OR, 97227. Poodrow[at]hotmail.com Reviewed by thrill racer.

I normally hate happy couples. They often make me want to puke. I am really surprised that I really liked Erin and Dan's zine so much. I think it is because they are both really clever wordsmiths. Their essays are complimented by photos perhaps taken from 1970's issues of TIME; they eerily coordinate with their chosen topics.
 
I think this zine will appeal to the 24-35 year old crowd, the ones who might be switching jobs, marrying, considering and re-considering life choices. Erin and Dan write quite honestly about their lives and it makes for an entertaining read. For instance, Erin speculates on childbirth:

"I do not like that my navel will turn inside out and sit there in a revolting button shape under my clothing, firm as a Milk Dud."

("Mini" #3 June 2003) Oh my gosh, I picked up my mail with these zines before visiting my mother's house. I opened the envelope at her house and looked through the titles. When I saw the cover of this one I was like, "Oh, my gross." I showed it to her and told her to look at how disgusting the cover drawing was. She said, "A guy must've done that, a girl wouldn't do that." So, I looked through the pages and sure enough, she was right. The comic zine is created by David Stanley, 37 (probably 38 now), who "gave up a fifteen year career in computer programming to pursue his lifelong dream of cartooning." Anyway, the first part of the zine is a comic about a family living in a world where everybody is born a boy, but half of them change into girls at puberty. So, the boy in the family is going through "the change" and having issues with menstruation. Now do you get an idea of what the cover picture is about? ¶ The next part in the zine is called "Insecurity." It's about a woman who panics when she goes out thinking somebody's going to attack her and when she finally gets home safe and sound it's her hubby-poo who roughs her up. ¶ The final part of the issue is a sketchy type comic with no words about a guy who goes through his ritual of primping up and going out to make a bar pickup, but ends up getting slaughtered by a tough chick. Ha ha! $1.50 to Symplectic Press, 850 North Randolph Street, Suite 103 Box A35, Arlington, VA, 22203. Http://www.outsidecomics.com Reviewed by thrill racer.

#4: Amusing zine from a dude called Nate who writes about his and his friends' job adventures in Minnesota. "How was everything today?" ¶ "Yah, real good now." Remember that from Fargo? Well, there's nothing about "Minnesota Nice" in here, I just love quoting Fargo. ¶ The funniest part was when Nate's roommate, Dave, got fired from his job as a temp at Pillsbury (which his mother helped him get) because he left drug paraphernalia in his desk. On top of that he left his pornographic depictions of the Pillsbury Doughboy on the computer's hard drive. Such an irresponsible dude (they both did drugs and dropped out of college) and then he went and won $1,000 in the lottery. ¶ There are lots of good stories in here and if you've had bad experiences as a struggling working class citizen then you'll find something to relate to in this one. ¶ My critiques are that instead of just using ClipArt Nate should put some real photos in. Doesn't everyone want to see this Dave character? Well, probably not, but put a picture in for the hell of it. Also, Nate seems to have some sort of problem using punctuation inside of and before quotes. I don't know what that's all about, but whatever. $2 to Nate Gangelhoff: P.O. Box 8995, Minneapolis, MN, 55408. PickYour Poison[at]beer.com, www.pickyourpoison.net Reviewed by thrill racer.

(second edition): 125 pages (incredible, I know) of tips on how to re-use crap to make zines, how to distribute and promote zines, zine etiquette and the ubiquitous-to-the-zine-scene list of zines that review zines. . .this last one, of course, is the most important resource. . .after all, having spent a whole hour or two to *publish* a zine, one naturally wants to see it admired in another zine. . .that's the whole point of zining, no? Reviewed by The J Man. $4 (a small price to pay to see one's name in *Zine World* or *Broken Pencil*). Alex Wrekk, PO Box 14332, Portland, OR 97293. brainscanzine@ureach.com

(#6): Scraps of poetry, bits of song lyrics, a lightweight summer diary, email interviews with obscure bands (featuring questions such as "Do your prefer pirates or eskimos?" "What was your favorite cartoon/tv show when you were little?"), the genesis of the publisher's vegetarianism, etc. In short, nothing much of interest here. . .except for page 24, in which the publisher offers a vague personal account of sexual *violation.* It is the hope of finding these glimpses, however dim, into quiet lives of desperation that makes thumbing through the otherwise tedious pages of most *perzines* worthwhile. . .I would have preferred the account to have been more graphic. . .not sexually, but emotionally. . .let the pain drip onto the page, so that the reader may understand the publisher's fragile psyche. . .but it is unfair to criticize the publisher, who may not have sufficiently processed the trauma to feel comfortable in revealing more. . .maybe something to look forward to in a future issue? Reviewed by The J Man. $?. Vixen, 2428 Atlantic Avenue, Atlantic City, NJ 08401. moodringz@aol.com

#2: Lots of commentary and discussion on modern commercialism. First up is a history of America's "War On Drugs" commercials (I still remember when Punky Brewster "Just Said No" and marched in the anti-drug parade-well, that was a TV show, not a commercial, but same thing.) Then there's a review of a Hulk Hogan album: "So, apparently, when offered drugs, you're supposed to reply to the shady dope-peddler, 'I want to be a hulkamaniac.'" Also includes "Dollar Store Reviews," (Cyber Talk Printed Candy from Necco-wow!), reviews of video games promoting products (Kool-Aid Man Atari game-yeah!), quotes from the He-Man e-mailing list (I named my cat after a He-Man character, Teela-"Teedy Weedy"!), and letters to washed up bands (remember Kriss Kross? How lame!) Entertaining and informative. "The first one's only $1." Same contact 411 as Pick Your Poison. Reviewed by thrill racer.

#19: Zine World is one of the most ambitious and well-done review magazines around. It is impeccably organized and offers a wealth of information pertaining to the underground world of zines. It opens with news stories (this issue featured anti-war articles, others that related to our civil rights, and news regarding comic publishing). Next is Letters, which is always an amusing read as there is always some freak out there trying to show off or cause trouble. Then some editorials then about 25 pages of reviews. The reviews are very thoughtful and really do give the reader a good idea of what a particular zine is about. There are also pages for FREE classified ads.
 
What I like about Zine World is that it is made for us. It's not competing with any other magazine and it doesn't withhold information from us. It clearly lists other publications that review zines and reports address changes. They try to review every zine they are sent, that's a tall order! If we zinesters and cartoonists organized a union, this would be our magazine.
 
Zine World, P.O. Box 330156, Murfreesboro, TN 37133 www.UndergroundPress.org [$4, postpaid US; $5 Canada & Mexico; $6 elsewhere, 8 1/2" x 11" magazine-size, 63 pps. ] reviewed by Kelly Froh