"To blazes with timeliness!"

#? (not the first): Geez, this dude. If working in a porn store and hawking plasma crush your spirit like this, might I suggest Outward Bound or something? His writing is gritty, sincere and occasionally lyrical enough that I'd encourage him to write a novel, if he hired an editor and chuckled more liberally at his dull misery. Maybe he could contribute to an anthology of "my co-worker set his cock and ass on fire" stories. Actually, that would be better. Reviewed by Emerson Dameron. [free, 8 pp., digest, not stapled (slack-ass)] What's your address (slackass)? All I've got is crappytoons.tripod.com, and the post office doesn't seem to know where that is.

Many of us became Jeffrey Brown fans after reading "Clumsy" and "Unlikely", two graphic novels that detail, and I mean DETAIL, his past relationships. The first was the story of a long distance love, the second was a telling of how he lost his virginity. What is so precious about both of those comics is that Jeffrey appears to be such a sensitive, wonderful, overly caring man.
 
Be A Man is the re-telling of a few of his stories, with the dialogue changed to reflect what a real "manly" man might say. Whereas the old Jeffrey would be understanding if his girlfriend didn't want to have sex, this new Jeffrey would say, "Shhh . . . you can do it, I know you can." The new Jeffrey also swears more, looks at more porn, and no way would he wait around for your call — he's a busy man with beer drinking to do!
 
This comic is really amusing and it makes you appreciate Jeffrey Brown's voice speaking to you gently amongst all the drunken yelling and cat-calling of football fans and frat boys every where. Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$3, 32 pp. digest size] Jeffrey Brown, PO Box 120, Deerfield, IL 60015. jeffreybrownrq@hotmail.com

##1 & 2. Wow. How intense is this. Most fascinating story that I've come across this year, undoubtedly, but hypochondriacs, beware. I've increased my water intake significantly as a result. The author's typicalness borders on stereotype. She moved to Portland from Texas, lives in Southeast, opened a vegan grocery, has tattoos of birds on her arm, and — oh yeah — in early 2004, she was diagnosed with kidney failure. Are you familiar with peritoneal dialysis? I knew the term before I saw this, but that was all. Luckily, Broken Hipster is full of information. Issue number one relays the onset of the disease. A naturopath misdiagnoses Emiko's condition, says she probably just has a bug or is under stress, even though her vision is blurry and she can hardly walk. And then she winds up in the E.R. with dangerously high blood pressure. After being informed that she has just eight percent of her kidney function remaining (!), the broken hipster considers her options: dialysis for the rest of her life and/or a transplant (and after the transplant, anti-rejection drugs, for the rest of her life). Rather than going into a clinic every couple days, Emiko chooses a (literally) do-it-yourself type of dialysis which she can perform at home. In issue number two, we're told that the author's brother will be donating a kidney, but the surgery shall appear in #3. This time around, we learn more about the routine that Emiko has developed. Now her life revolves around her condition. What I found curious in this issue were the stories dealing with her self-destructive past. Drug use, promiscuity . . . Is she drawn to these subjects just because this is a personal zine, because once you start writing one, you're compelled to share more? Or is she, instead, somehow blaming herself, however unconsciously? It's sad to think about. Emiko writes in both issues about how people treat her differently now, how family members avoid her and acquaintances pity her. I guess even the patient must confront their preconceptions and prejudices about a disease. Reviewed by Marc. [$2 / 20 pp. / mini / copied] Emiko Badillo, 2520 SE 43 Ave. #B, Portland, OR 97206. broken_hipster@hotmail.com

#4; December 2003. Personal zine by Liz Mason. She calls this "The Ridicuous Issue". I take that as the usual pre-emptive self-disparagement of the amateur, since the actual theme is her dabblings in various arts. Specifically, acting (at a Renaissance Faire), singing (karaoke), dancing (mostly to exercise videos), drawing ("porno" pics when she was a kid), and writing (a lot of unfinished projects). Charmingly unguarded writing, badly reproduced photos . . . a real zine. Liz seems to have some connection with Quimby's in Chicago and also lists over a dozen other outlets that distro her zine, so take the contact info below with caution (note the date given above). Reviewed by Indy. [$a dollar (ppd); 60 mini pages] Liz Mason, PO Box 476802, Chicago, IL 60647. lizsaidel@prontomail.com

#2: I met Chicago anarcho-libertarian activist Anthony Rayson at a benefit show for then-comatose zine writer Cullen Carter. He wasn't on the bill, but his demeanor was so gruff and intimidating, even the infamous Karl "King" Wenclas wouldn't deny him the chance to get up and read some unbelievably corny, rhyming "prisoner poetry." Anyroad, in lieu of a formal introduction, AR hit me with "So do you do a zine?" The way he put it felt so much like interrogation, I didn't know quite what to say. I've met a lot of activist types who do this. "Fuck the small talk — what do you do? By which I mean, what do you . . . for the revolution?" Rayson works for the government, and thus gets shit from all corners, from fellow activists and shadowy hall monitors. I wouldn't blame him for being super-pissed and super-paranoid about 24 hours a day. He must have nuts the size of Jupiter to print his fucking phone number in this thing. I respect his drive enough to write an honest review. Do you care about the issues enough to explain your position? So "all prisoners are political prisoners," eh? I don't know if that's true. Chicago ABC Zine reprints letters from some of them, but leaves me wondering what they're in for. It also prints itineraries from protests and conferences, but I'd like to know who showed up and why. You see, it's not obvious to me how much difference these things can make, or if their underlying ethos is something I support. These things are never explained to my satisfaction. And all the visceral gubmit-bashing . . . it seems a bit lazy to me. "AmeriKKKa," huh? The Klan has even less real-world influence than you do. During the 2004 Republican National Convention, you were national news, for all the good that did. The Klan is lucky to land on Hard Copy. Last time I saw a Klan rally, the violent, egg-tossing protestors outnumbered the Klansmen 3-to-1. It looked more like an activist tofu market. If there was no vegan-on-vegan sex following this thing, I believe all involved wasted a beautiful day. If you want to scare me about the feds' considerable power over my life — and it's scary — don't turn them into silly cartoon characters. And don't be one yourself. Reviewed by Emerson Dameron. [$?, 40 pp., digest] PO Box 721, Homewood, IL 60430. chicagoabc@hotmail.com

#1: This is fucking adorable. Some recipes, some recommendations, some Candy Snob quibbling, but mostly pure sugar-high celebration of chocolate. ("The delight as it explodes on your tongue becomes almost unimaginable.") From where I sit, this sort of niche food talk always smells like sexual sublimation. Fuck it, so does most politics, and this is a lot more fun and informative. Next time I hit a dry spell, I'll have the Toblerone ready to go. Reviewed by Emerson Dameron. [$2 or $1 and 2 stamps, 44 pp., mini] Stephanie Scarborough, PO Box 715, Weatherford, TX 76086. nurdsteph@yahoo.com

#7, March 2005. Peculiarity punctuated with charm. Here is a woman downright obsessed with Tri-met (Portland's public transit authority). E.g., in the introduction, she promises celebrity sightings with this issue, but what does that mean exactly? A driver from the 14 Hawthorne line (the bus Kate rides with the most frequency) is spotted buying bras at Meier and Frank; a fare inspector is seen wrestling with his pet raccoon. Not all of the vignettes inside concern busses or trains, though. There is a funny observation on the "talent and confidence" of today's delinquent youth, and a story not of sitting next to a chatty drunk on one flight to Minneapolis, but of sitting next to the guy who sat next to the chatty drunk. Although I couldn't discern any standard for deciding what is print worthy and what is too random, Kate's humor is so dry that it all brought a smile to my face. I enjoyed it so much, in fact, that I picked up at Reading Frenzy The Constant Rider Omnibus, which collects her first three issues. Reviewed by Marc. [$2 / 32 pp. / mini / copied] Kate Lopresti, PO Box 6753, Portland, OR 97228-6753. www.constantrider.com

#4. I picked up this little comic at Atomic Books in Baltimore. It stars Herbert the Hound, who is taught to be self-conscious because he is pants-less. When he buys pants that are ahead of their time, fashion-wise, he gets mocked again. What's a dog to do? In this comic, the pants take on an adventure of their own and satirical characters weave in and out of the story. It's delicately, masterfully drawn (think: the fine lines of Chester Brown) and the story is quite original and endearing. Add to all of this a screen-printed cover and you have one highly recommended comic. Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$3, 32 pp. digest] Martin Cendreda, zurikrobot@yahoo.com, www.zurikrobot.com

#12. Ugh. This was the most frustrating read thus far in my zine-reviewing "career". On the first six pages of this zine, Murphy attempts to entice the reader: " . . . I could never seem to write about all this before. I couldn't even really begin to analyze it all. It was just so complicated . . . " blah, blah, blah and then, because he obviously hates us all and wants to waste our time, he writes about a pretty cut and dry, average, every day break up. He manages to do this with no detail at all and this build up, this supposed thing that's so complicated to understand is so banal that if you are anything like me, you'll want to stomp on this zine with shit-covered shoes.
 
Dan says that writing poetry and stories was the only thing that got him through the angst-ridden high school days, though judging from his writing ability I think he's still there. Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$?, 24 pp. 1/4 size mini] Dan Murphy, PO Box 6352, Boise, ID 83707, messyelephant@hotmail.com

#18: The last issue I saw toasted a cop killer, effectively dehumanizing someone whose job would crumble any backpacking pacifist's precious little convictions in about two hours. At least it had some stoopid violence to break up the jargon-packed tedium. This one appears to be written in legalese. It dribbles insider references. Sentences plod along in passive voice, dragging superfluous clauses in their wake. I know it's not too anarchistic to edit, but . . . "The cultural conflicts of the last 20-something years, the debates on public morality and censorship, etc., have not been a liberating social force and class society, but rather between capital's desire for increasing social commodification, and the social structures from which it emerged." Say wha? Do you Freedom Clubbers think like this? No wonder you have mail bombs to get any attention. If you gave me the sort of drippy poetic tribute Big Ted gets here, I might ship you a party popper my damn self. Reviewed by Emerson Dameron. [$4 US, $5 CAN, $6 EU, $7 elsewhere, 84 pp., newsprint] PO Box 11331, Eugene, OR 97440. collective@greenanarchy.org

By Michael D. Bonfiglio. I'm a sucker for screen-printed covers, especially multi-colour ones. This little comic was certainly fun to look at and to read. The drawings are really well done, lots of dark, expressive lines and intricate detail. The stories are dark and violent (in an amusing way!); I especially liked "Dispirited" where a man collapses and his spirit is in limbo — he wants to join his lost love but is torn from his dream of her by a woman using him as a park bench. Later, death tries to steal him away but is chased away by friendly animals. Really inventive stories paired with tight drawings make this comic totally worth picking up. From the back cover: "certain to amuse those with an appreciation for the . . . ehhh . . . peculiar!" Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$3, 31 pp. 1/4 size mini] Popzero Publications, David Youngblood, 1514 SE Belmont St., Portland, OR 97214. michaelhorrible@hotmail.com

A split zine by Benn Ray and Brian Dubin. A little comic-zine with two totally funny and endearing stories about young Benn and young Brian getting the chance to see their idols live in concert. Too bad they don't give little kids seats in the front so they can see. This zine will get you thinking about your own first concert experiences. My parents took me to see Alabama at the state fair and I recall singing "Oh play me some mountain music, like Grandma and Grandpa used to play" . . . of course a few years later, as a teen, when country music was mentioned I made puking noises to express my distaste for it. Check out Brian Dubin's diary comics too! Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$2, 1/4 size mini, 16 pp.] Brian Dubin, abracadavera@yahoo.com / Benn Ray, c/o Atomic Books, 1100 W. 36th St., Baltimore, MD 21211. benn@atomicbooks.com

This beautiful anthology compiles Nicole's first 8 issues of her self-published zine plus some new material. Nicole is a beloved fixture in the Portland zine scene, and she does that scene proud in this book. You really get a feel for her life in PDX; her jobs, friends, dogs, her many cups of coffee per day. Her drawings seem ripped right from her sketchbooks, which gives them a real spontaneity. She draws herself like a little girl or inner child version of herself, perhaps that's why I found her comics so innocent and endearing. Many of us can relate to wanting to settle down but feeling unsettled about it. I like Nicole's stories because she's searching, at times with hesitancy, at times with blind bravery, she explores and tries to live the way that feels right to her. There are many obstacles to this, hence, comics for us to read and learn from. I hope this is not the last thing we see out of Tugboat Press, because the quality of this book is really impressive. Reviewed by Kelly Froh. Nicole Georges, PO Box 12763, Portland, OR 97212. This book available at www. microcosmpublishing.com

Issue 2. Published by Moon Rabbit Drinking Club and Benevolence Society. First impressions: Nice screenprinted cover, lovely paper, impressive stab binding — very professional. This literary zine was quite interesting and I liked a lot of the writing inside. My original flip-through was disappointing, but that's because my lazy self focused in on the shortest pieces, like the poetry, which it turns out is the weakest material in the whole issue. I truly enjoyed the segments by "Writer X" about growing up with his sister and the way he antagonized her. He came up with some genius ideas and I only wish I could go back in time and use them on my own brother. The writing styles of the main writers seem eerily similar, as can be expected from a group of friends or people that know each other well. The writing is very sarcastic, clever, amusing, cynical, but at times quite sensitive.
 
There's a very funny story about a man turned on by the smell of pine and how he does his cruising at the Christmas tree lots, and then there are the reviews of single panel newspaper comics which are surprisingly quite funny (unlike the comic itself). The segment about the modern "encore" and how it has been ruined forever because it's so expected these days was something I've never thought about, but I totally agree with! Why should I stand there like an idiot clapping my hands raw when I know, because the lights are still down, that the band is coming back?
 
This is the first literary zine that I've really enjoyed reading and I whole-heartily recommend it. Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$3, 48 pp. digest size] Johnny America, PO Box 44-2001, Lawrence, KS 66044. johnnyamerica@johnnyamerica.net www.johnnyamerica.net

Issue 8. The babies and robots issue. Another technically lovely magazine! Wow! Great art, great typography, nice overall design. I really enjoyed Zoe Whittall's interview with Greg Kearney, wow, that guy is so fucking witty. I wonder how I can be friends with him? "My Megatron" by Alan Reed is a great story, written from the perspective of a little kid, a little kid who loves his Megatron and respects it so much that he will only use its power when absolutely necessary. This issue has poetry and short stories for the people with a short attention span and there's heavier stuff for the brainiacs too, like Tamara Faith Berger's "Present Preoccupations 1-7", which might make better sense to me if I had a couple of pints of beer in me first. 1. Rereading, 2. Zionist History, 3. The Dirty Earth, 4. Self-Consciousness After Dying . . . there's something for everyone! Check this magazine out! Read it or submit your own writing, photography, and art! Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$4, half-legal sized, bound, 80 pp.] Emily Pohl-Weary, PO Box 108, Station P, Toronto, ON, M5S 2S8, Canada. www.kissmachine.org

#1; undated. Editor Karl "King" Wenclas believes — quite rightly — that mainstream American fiction ("literature") has been hijacked in recent decades by an army of no-talent timeservers more interested in the bottom line than in writing good stories. Somewhere back in the late 90's, he decided that the appropriate response was to move to Philadelphia and start a cult. Enter the ULA (Underground Literary Alliance). ¶ The ULA has been tireless ever since in promoting its own activities: every poetry reading, nay, every late-night shouting match, has been reported by Karl & company as if it were the invention of movable type. The publishing world has somehow failed to notice. ¶ But meanwhile they've somehow produced a bunch of interesting zines. LFM #1 includes an interview with former ULA member Doug Bassett ("I have nothing against Karl at all. I just don't want to be associated with him"); an exposé on David Berman ("preppy house poet" of the "Eggers gang"); a plug for (zine legend) Wred Fright; a pointless anecdote about Patti Smith; photos of about a half a dozen underground writers; more. Get on Karl's mailing list if you care about contemporary literature: despite his ass-backward "promotion first" approach, every zine he's ever sent me (New Philistine, Slush Pile, the ULA News . . .) has been well worth reading at least once. Reviewed by Indy. [$1 for 26 digest pp.] PO Box 42077 Philadelphia PA 19101

#42. When I was a teenager, I had bad luck with cars. As a student driver, I hit a tree with my mom's car, then when I was licensed, I crashed 2 cars in 2 years. At a family gathering, shortly after I arrived, my Grandpa said to me, "Hey Kelly, you didn't hit the mailbox on the way in, did ya?" and everyone laughed. About an hour later, my Grandpa came up to me and said, "Hey Kelly, you didn't hit the mailbox on the way in, did ya?" and everyone laughed again, but less heartily than the first time. Local Comics is for the Grandpas of the world. Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [Two stamps or trade, 16 pp. 1/4 size mini] Michael Goetz, 1340 Brandywine Dr., Rockford, IL 61108.

#4. By Randie Farmelant. This zine is unabashedly feminist, in a refreshing way. Farmelant has chosen to write about what's new and inventive in the feminist movement. This issue focuses in on art and performance. Whether that be an all fat girl cheerleading squad, a "renegade feminist synchronized swimming team", or an artist who has put her unfertilized eggs on the market (known as, "Chrissy Caviar") these projects are two-fold — they engage the public in discourse relating to women's bodies and they also look extremely FUN to perform. I think this zine promotes a modern, lively, energetic view of feminism. Includes book reviews and Ladyfest up-coming concert dates. Note: Dudes might not care for this zine, which is fine because there are enough zines out there for everyone. Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$2? 31 pp. digest, pamphlet binding] Media Whore, 37 Home Street, Malden, MA 02148. info@mediawhorezine.com

This comic is another great find from Atomic Books. Its simple design and bright green cover attracted me right away. Mr. Boombha is a creature of unknown species who sets out for his daily walk in attire he hopes will be weather-appropriate. Though he's often wrong, it doesn't get him down, because as this comic teaches us, the weather can be our friend! The drawings are really charming and the story was a real delight. Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$2, 23 pp. 1/4 size mini] Ms. Lark Pien, 69 Glen Avenue #103, Oakland, CA 94611, lark@larkpien.com

Let's talk about gender roles. Like most of the lesbian/gay/bi/transsexual zines that I've seen, this features a glossary. Honestly, I don't know how sympathetic I can be toward the cause. While I aim to be open minded and to show acceptance, and while I detest the homophobia rampant in this country, I'm sorry, but I simply cannot use gender neutral neo-pronouns like "ze" or "hir". They look ridiculous. Anyway, I did learn a little about myself, reading this issue. I learned that I can forgive a zine being 80% reprints if somewhere inside are also girls in a photo booth, flashing me their brassieres. Don't get me wrong. There are many more items of interest within Ms. Direction: a story by Theresa Molter detailing a terse back-and-forth mother/daughter conversation, ruminations on eating disorders, the fucked-upness of the diamond industry. And now that I know, I must check out the site Celebrities-Eating.com. In short, I can recommend the zine, if its subject matter is your thing — or even if it's not, to get some perspective. What I wrote above re: the pronouns wasn't meant to be dismissive, just realistic. Reviewed by Marc. [$2 / 36 pp. / standard / copied] Katie Cercone, 1055 Sundown Trail, Santa Rosa, CA 95404. shortcakenation@aol.com

Issue Number One — December, 2004. Not exactly a comic — no continuity. Rather 12 half-page cartoons, each with a half page of (hand-lettered) text. There's essentially only one joke: you need this complicated gizmo to perform some simple task (crossing out days on the calendar, for example). But it's a pretty good joke and the bots look pretty funny as well. Plus the covers have a different joke. What do you expect for $1 (postpaid)? Reviewed by Indy. [16 digest pp.] Dug Belan, 707 E. Wright St., Milwaukee, WI 53212. iliketodrawpictures@hotmail.com

#11, undated. J.D. Salinger is supposed to've said something somewhere to the effect that the only thing a critic should do is stand up and, in a loud voice, say the names of writers he loves. Well, this huge anthology has contributions by (imagine loud voice here) Bobby Tran Dale, Clutch McBastard, John Porcellino, Jesse Reklaw, and Androo bygod Robinson — all the review you would need if you should happen to be me. ¶ But just in case you're not me, I'll add there are forty-nine contributors and very few duds. Every amazing issue of NMSD (all still in print) consists of autobiographical comics by artists other than editor Delaine Derry Green, who also publishes, you guessed it, My Small Diary. This happens to be the "first themed issue": each piece deals with the "artists' lives from age 11 & under". ¶ I think I'll remark here by way of irrelevant digression that I've had this issue for quite a while — hooray for Zine Thug's "to blazes with timeliness" policy — so the review copy Marc sent me ended up in the hands of this guy at work I've been lending stuff like Understanding Comics by way of introducing him to the medium. "Here. I think you're ready to try mainlining the hard stuff." Okay, that's it. Read the next review. Reviewed by Indy. [100 digest pp. (in two volumes, bound with safety pins); $4 the set.] Delaine Derry Green, 1204 Cresthill Road, Birmingham AL 35213

#29 "The Heartache Issue": Vincent J. Romano runs down his romantic history. Vince is a witty writer and knows it too well — he can't hold the smirking, half-dirty groaners in check. ("I have fond recollections of fondling.") Seriously, it's like watching Sex and the City; that is, like fingernails on blackboard for your reporter. Nearer the end, he grills himself crispy, with some of the best no-bullshit, no-answers honesty you'll find in a perzine. I think, in the LiveJournal era, everyone who writes feels compelled to share this sort of sexual inventory. They want us to know that, however self-involved they might be, they've gotten laid a few times. Seth Emily pulled it off with less pretension in American't #5, but OL29 stands as a better example than it had to be. Reviewed by Emerson Dameron. [free ("like all things should be"), 58 pp., digest] Claire E. Cocco & Vincent J. Romano, 35 Barker Ave. #4G, White Plains, NY 10601.

A full-blown book (ISBN #0-9726967-5-X), but based on a series of zines and published by the mighty Microcosm. In fact, an issue of the zine was reviewed by thrill racer in the last Zine Thug: her opinion was that only other Education Assistants would find it interesting. I consider that much too harsh. But can kind of see her point. ¶ The trouble is, there's no narrative arc. Just a bunch of day-by-day incidents that could've appeared in some entirely different order with essentially the same effect. Even the author ("Dave", no last name stated [in the indicia — it's mentioned in passing in the actual text]) seems to be aware of this as a problem: "I think it's best if you read this in intervals". So I did. ¶ Mostly it's diary-style entries on how things went during Dave's assignment at some particular school, usually for just a day or two. He works with the hard cases — kids with severe learning disabilities or behavioral issues — and generally handles whatever comes up with remarkable goodwill. Just another stunningly ethical vegan punkster trying to make an honest living, I guess. Better him than me. ¶ The illustrations scattered throughout (8 of 'em, by 6 different artists) are a very nice touch. Reviewed by Indy. [128 near-digest pages (& cardboard covers). No price indicated (send a buck for a catalog).] Microcosm Publishing 5307 N. Minnesota Ave. Portland OR 97217.

55.*; August-October 2004 Dale Speirs is (i.) very very old-school and (ii.) altogether one-of-a-kind. "Whole-numbered issues are sercon ['serious and constructive' — that's the old-school SF fandom showing through], x.1 issues are reviewzines, x.2 issues are indexes, x.3 issues are apazines ['amateur press associations' — older than zines, even], and x.5 issues are perzines [personal]." ¶ I've got 55, 55.1, 55.2, & 55.3 here at hand. The least interesting is 55.2: a "Checklist of Peer-Reviewed Journals" consisting of 15 pages of titles and URLs (web-page addressen) for scholarly periodicals of interest to Dale. 55 has some con reports & an article about (Saturn-like) planetary rings; 55.3 some correspondence and replies to pieces from various fanzines (with necessary background provided); and (my favorite by far) 55.1 reviews a couple dozen zines and a few books. ¶ This guy cranks 'em out like nobody's business. "$3 cash for a one-time sample copy" — but it's pretty clear he prefers trades. Indy sez check it out. [16 digest pp. each] Dale Speirs, Box 6830, Calgary, Alberta (Canada) T2P 2E7

#3, "Fixing the Plumbing". Joe Biel runs Microcosm Publishing, and he says here that he thought, a few years ago, that he was done writing zines of his own. He felt content at the time to let other people articulate his feelings for him. But as he discovered — and as I myself once discovered — zining isn't something that you can necessarily choose to give up. To paraphrase a line from his wife's zine: "If you're still into punk at twenty-five, then you're in it for life". Not that authoring a diary zine is all too punk, but you see where I'm headed. In this particular issue of this particular zine (the title of which I adore), Joe writes about getting a vasectomy. What begins with stories of his high school friends' inadvertant pregnancies ends with Joe having his something or other clipped at Planned Parenthood. It's entirely pragmatic how he approaches the decision — so much that I'm thinking of going under the knife myself. Lets all hope that vasectomies become the new trend in body modification. My only complaint with this zine is that all off the clip art and backgrounds depict people on bicycles. But the only mention in the text of a bike is how Joe had to wait a couple weeks before riding his. I realize that this is probably just because Joe digs bicycles and digs these pictures of them. But given the subject matter, the juxtaposition made me squirm. I'm reminded of a story I saw on Dateline once, about how a bike seat can lead to sterility or impotence. But anyway . . . Reviewed by Marc. [$1 or a vegan cookie / 24 pp. / mini / copied] Joe Biel, 5307 N. Minnesota Ave., Portland, OR 97217-4551.

#9: I hope Quebec never sees a Khmer Rouge style holocaust of effete "intellectuals," 'cause this contact resource makes them easy to find. And I'd be sorry to see cartoonist Patrick Hickey go — he's kinda funny. The rest of it consists mainly of dumb, pretentious poetry that wouldn't be out of place on a dorm-room fridge. Network amongst yourselves, poets; I've got Zs to catch. Reviewed by Emerson Dameron. [$6 (!), 24 pp., digest] 6595 St. Hubert, PO Box 59019, Montreal, QC, H2S 3P5.

Number 41, 2004. Michael J. Weldon is a national treasure. He knows and loves "B" movies — horror, SF, fantasy, and expoitation — like nobody else and has devoted untold heroic efforts researching 'em and spreading the word for over 20 years. Somewhere in there, he's become quite a talented editor, too: the contributors can write and the whole thing looks great into the bargain (for what it is: black & white on cheap paper). ¶ I've spent over three hours with this thing and am far from having read it all: over 120 movie reviews, broken down into more-or-less arbitrary categories ("Italians in Space", "Hillbilly Sex", "Sequels" . . . ); 12 pages (!) of obituaries; a 4 page Letters section; Book, Fanzine, and Record reviews; 4 feature stories; a photo spread; listings of new video releases; and "Spare Parts". Oh yeah, and a Contents page. Very useful, that. ¶ This issue's features include pieces on Ken Norton, Robert Fuest, and Conny van Dyke, plus "George W. in Hollywood": a year-to-year breakdown of the (mainstream) movies produced by Silver Screen Partners while the present "leader" of the "free world" was on their Board (1984-92) together with selected events of US history from each of the given years. Not a whole lot of ads, and those few all worthwhile. Reviewed by Indy. [$6.] Psychotronic Video 4102 Main St. Chincoteague, VA 23336 psychotronicvideo.com

#3. By the Underground Literary Alliance (ULA). I find the ULA's "cultural rebellion" a bit off-putting. If they truly feel bullied by the mainstream publishing system, is becoming bullies themselves a way to counter it? I feel they are doing the great writers in this zine a disservice by filling the intro and end pages with their angry protests. I read the kind of literary fiction they hate (that of Dave Eggers, etc . . . ) — and I read the underground fiction they champion, so I don't appreciate being called names and told that their brand is the only brand respectable enough to exist.
 
Of all the writers within, I had only read The Urban Hermitt before and in fact, I'm a big fan of Hermitt's writing (though I do wish for better punctuation.) The first piece "Right On" serves as just a taste of what Hermitt really can do, I suggest buying a full-length zine or Hermitt's first book "The Flow Chronicles". Hermitt writes in such a fresh, free-form way, it's like Hermitt's right there telling you the story, with arm movements and facial expressions. A real delight. (Note: Shit it's hard to not use sexual orientation identifying pronouns!).
 
I also really enjoyed the pieces written by Crazy Carl Robinson, Emerson Dameron, Mike Jackman, and Steve Kostecke. Perhaps I immediately liked Robinson because I'm a wrestling fan and think it's (usually) highly entertaining and I too, admire the wrestlers who never come out of character. His writing, while stream-of-consciousness, is still easy to read and relate to. I think "I always reject myself first before I even give you the opportunity" is pretty much genius.
 
Kostecke's story about living in the forest, working at a Burger King on a military base in Germany, and finding warmth from the kindness of strangers takes turns you wouldn't expect and you find yourself hoping he gets out alive. A very good story.
 
I'm not a big fan of Yul Tolbert's art, it seems like glorified clip art to me. I think this zine could do better with more expressive art or none at all, and keep the politics in a separate newsletter and away from the writing. It's a turn-off. Let the writing speak for itself. Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$3, 63 pp. digest size] The Slush Pile, 632 Prentis, #9, Detroit, MI 48201. www.literaryrevolution.com

#6; October 2004. An entertaining comic with a nice clean advanced-beginner drawing style (which is to say, better drawn than at least three-quarters of the comics in yr average newspaper). "The ANGST Of Being A Teen — The THRILL Of Being Class President": the story is about a school election. Incidentally, the main character can transform into a boat. I conjecture that this trait played a bigger part in earlier storylines than it does here. Mine came with a "Vote Boat" campaign pin. The same team — Dave Roman and John Green — evidently do a full-blown pro-format comic called Quicken Forbidden at $2.50 apiece (there's an ad in the back); TB! itself is only $0.50 (send a dollar; postage ain't free, ya know). Reviewed by Indy. [12 digest pp.] www.realmsend.com Cryptic Press, 365 Smith St., Freeport NY 11520.

no. two; undated. R. Lee has a real gift for storytelling. Maybe about half of the zine consists of short-n-sweet anecdotes about encounters with his neighbors or co-workers — all of which actually make a point and express the character of the narrator in some interesting way. The rest is straight-up autobiographical essays about his tastes in books ("deviant" stuff like Celine, Burroughs, & Dostoyevski) and music (old jazz guys like Pee Wee Russell and Jelly Roll Morton). Well worth the $2 (ppd). Reviewed by Indy. [32 digest pp.] R. Lee, PO Box 1421, Oshkosh WI 54903.

Nothing. Pages of insubstantial collages undeserving of the twenty words I'm giving them here, not even worth using complete sentences. Reviewed by Marc. [$don't bother / 20 pp. / digest / copied] Jimi Camero, 2308 S. Francis #13, Port Angeles, WA 98362-7924. www.soundclick.com/bleedinglovedones

#1 & 2. Garbage. Nicely printed garbage. I don't understand the point of putting out a magazine that only has 7 pages. The editor (who chooses to be anonymous, sort-of — his photo is there but not his name) dares to proclaim in the "Politics" issue that they will show us an in-depth view of the 2004 election. There are 2 articles, one is an interview with a protester who didn't see any action, the other is someone who went to the RNC but again didn't see or hear anything important. Then, just when you think the next article might have some substance, this "Politics" issue reports on random beer brawls witnessed, one of them dating back to 1998. That's late breaking news alright. My advice to the editor and writers of this magazine — get some material! Research some topics! Write some stories! Be creative! You've proved you can put a magazine together technically, now fill it with content worth reading. Good luck! Reviewed by Kelly Froh. [$?, 7 pp. Letter size]
 
Issue 2, Volume 1; Fall 2004. "The Politics Issue": the outstanding cover photo was probably taken at the protest at the Republican National Convention last September. There's also a brief interview in the centerspread with an anonymous protester at that event (with another fine photo) and some coverage of the Wisconson Democratic Primary. But it's pretty insipid. In fact, this is another one of those "gee, the production values in this thing are outstanding; too bad they've got nothing to say" type deals. In particular, they've got readable text-over-graphics, which is more than the goddamn Nation can achieve. "Design & Layout: Wikiddmedia.com". Reviewed by Indy. [8 fullsize pp.] No addy listed. Xenophobemag@yahoo.com

#2: Nate (of Pick Your Poison microfame) goofs on easy targets, from anti-drug comics to feelgood pyramid schemes to drunk bank robbers to Randy "Macho Man" Savage. It's easier to sound like a good writer writing a negative review than a positive one, which gives him an unfair advantage. Still, he's a funny bastard. I think he could hold his own in more dicey territory. Reviewed by Emerson Dameron. [$2, 56 pp., digest] Nate Gangelhoff, PO Box 8995, Minneapolis, MN 55408. nate@pickyourpoison.net

Marc Parker came from Oklahoma. When he isn't letting slide all kinds of typos on this site, the asthmatic go-getter enjoys riding his bike against traffic, evaluating Portland's lower-tier strip clubs, and playing David Bowie songs on an unplugged electric guitar. (Sorry, ladies, he's spoken for.) His real zine is called Lazybones. It costs a buck, to the address above. No zine trades.
 
Kelly Froh is the creator of the self-published mini-comics Slither, Unlucky with Pets, I've Been Forced To Get To Know You, Beating Up Little Brother, Upstanding Folk, Puke Stories, and many others. She's been frequently reviewed in Xerography Debt, Zine World, and Comixville. She's been in art school in Baltimore for the past 5 months and looks forward to returning to her beloved West Coast: "Where I don’t have to go to an Exxon station for my morning coffee and I don’t have to wait 1-1/2 hours for the bus to show up. I think I’ve sucked in enough of this city’s car exhaust . . ." Her web-site is: www.221colab.org/kelly_froh/
 
Indy Ana Jones reviewed zines for The Ten Page News (and Indy Unleashed) back around the turn of the century. Indy's enormous zines index, is probably the most extensive such project available on-line as of this date. As usual, it's in need of an update. Want more? Ask Vlorbik.
 
Emerson Dameron didn't submit a bio. Typical.